Comments on: What? You have no rules?

By: thewholemama

thewholemama — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 09:33:35 +0000

Thank you for all your lovely comments.

@Cassi It’s wonderful to be coming to be thinking about gentle parenting and unschooling right from the beginning and doing what feels right, even when it goes against conventions. My 1st baby took me through that journey in a big way that I am so grateful for now.

@Travis I guess that when I emphasise the principle, there’ll be requests that fall under that, but I don’t always have to explain ‘the exception’ each time circumstances change, just go back to the principle. Like “stay safe when we cross the road” is the principle and stays constant, the “rule” has changed over time from “stay in the pushchair” to “hold my hand” to “stay close” without fuss, because they’re evolving “rules” under the same principle. How do things work in your household?

@Lisa Thank you. I think principles are much easier and make much more sense. I was brought up really strictly in a house where little made sense to me and it was very much about obedience to authority even if it seemed unjust or plain nonsensical as adults and kids had different “rules”. I am a work-in-progress, but I love this way much more and strive to deschool more every day. And my kids remind me if I don’t LOL

By: Lisa

Lisa — Tue, 03 Nov 2009 06:48:20 +0000

Thanks for this, I’m glad to have found your blog. We don’t really have rules at our house, principles seem to be much easier, and I hadn’t seen that specific Sandar Dodd video either, great job! I found you via the carnival

By: Travis

Travis — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 00:22:31 +0000

I admit the whole idea of “no rules” is a bit of a shaky one at first, but I think given time and patience, parents can really see the benefits that it can carry. While I’m skeptical to say that NO rules at ANY time can be 100% effective, it’s certainly worth experimenting with.

By: Carnival of Unschooled Life — November 2009 Edition « The Expanding Life

Sun, 01 Nov 2009 23:49:36 +0000

[...] Whole Mama presents her first post here, What? You Have No Rules?, which discusses the all-important “rules vs. principles” [...]

By: Rules Schmules | Unschooling Ruminations

Rules Schmules | Unschooling Ruminations — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 20:17:18 +0000

[...] on the website for Unschooling: The Movie (see video below), and then read some more thoughts by The Whole Mama on her blog. My husband and I have had lots of discussions about how we are and will be implementing this [...]

By: Cassi

Cassi — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 20:32:43 +0000

Thanks for your comment on my blog. I love this explanation of rules vs. principles. Even though my son is only 7 months old, my husband and I have already had extensive discussions about how we are implementing this in our household now and how we will in the future.

Here’s an example: when babies get teeth, many moms flick their cheek or forehead if they bite while nursing. I just couldn’t bring myself to do that. So, instead, I pulled him off and said, ‘Ow! That hurts mommy. Mommy doesn’t like that.’ I think he only bit 2 or 3 times and hasn’t done it since.

It certainly isn’t easy to always live by principles instead of rules, but your house-guest analogy is an excellent one to keep in mind. Thanks!